Wednesday, March 14, 2012
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."
I still find it so difficult to get to sleep. I always read until I am nodding off, dropping my book, etc. Even then, once the lights go off I am often awake again, thrashing for an hour or more. Once asleep I never feel deeply asleep. I wake up periodically. I find 4:15 is an oddly common time to look at the clock. Sometimes I am too hot. Sometimes my mind is racing with ideas or worries, mostly irrational. Then I go to sleep and dream exhausting dreams. They usually involve travel or a big project where nothing is what I planned and luggage is lost or deadlines are looming and I have forgotten crucial details. Last night I was in charge of planning a wedding for a friend. Just as the ceremony was about to start I realized I had forgotten to decorate for the reception or order a cake. I spent frantic, frustrating hours, it seemed, running back and forth, baking and decorating a cake, losing my shoes, watching my car roll into a river and apologizing endlessly. At last I fought my way out of the dream and woke up with a headache and feeling in need of a nap. The start of daylight savings time last weekend seemed to double the impact of my sleep problems. I am so tired. So. Tired. I fall asleep in my chair or in front of the TV, but not in bed. Last night I took melatonin. It had no effect. Tonight I took a Benadryl, which I am beginning to feel. I hate to take pills, but I feel desperate.
The piece above is small quilt I made several years ago for the Journal Quilt project. Ray was working in Colorado. When I would go to Colorado I would sleep. I would imagine the snow outside softly, quietly piling up around me as I fell into deep, satisfying sleep. I would sleep during the day and then fall into bed every night. It was crazy. All I wanted to do was sleep. I am a high altitude sleeper living near sea level. That's a theory...
So, here it is bedtime again. Off I go. Wish me luck.