Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Horrible

I have been reeling today from some horrible news. A couple of days ago, in New Jersey, a man picked up his two small children from daycare, then killed both of them and then himself. A friend called to tell me this today because we knew the mother of these children. The wife of the man.

She was a childhood friend of my children. Her parents took care of my children after school and in the summers while I worked, many years ago. Lovely people. Really  wonderful people. Grandparents of these recently murdered innocents. Just weeks ago the faces of these two beautiful children beamed up from my daughter's Facebook page. Their mother posted her pride and love. I can't begin to imagine the dark place she is in today.

Please don't offer me any sympathy. This is not my tragedy. But hold a kind thought for this devastated mother and her family. And tell me, if you can, how such a horrific thing is possible.

12 comments:

  1. I live very close to this and it has been horrible , the news on tv and papers has been featuring these families
    my heart goes out to this mom and the families
    its so sad...
    Kathie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Terri. How dreadful. Here in the UK there have been a few cases recently of fathers killing their children and then themselves, usually during a marriage or partnership breakup of some kind. These cases are beginning to show signs of becoming a very worrying trend. For the life of me, I cannot understand it...................

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8:16 AM

    How is it possible? Selfishness. Total, tantrumming selfishness.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We can not know the darkness that some people harbor in their souls. I have had two friends who lost their beautiful daughters when their husbands senselessly murdered them. It changes the family forever.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is just horrid. I am sending the family and friends like you positive energy~~

    ReplyDelete
  6. It seems so much more real when you are connected. It'a a tough world.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is a truly horrible event and the effect on that family is unimaginable. Some things can't be explained, I think, or at least can't be explained from afar. Gerrie's comment about not knowing what is in people's souls is so true. This makes me want to hold my family extra close.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I can't imagine how one deals with this sort of tragedy. It's not something you can just start over. Any mental health issues the rest of us have pale in comparison to what that young woman and her remaining family must feel.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Carol6:48 PM

    The "how" it is possible, from the mother's/wife's point of view, isn't the only thing unknowable. The pain and darkness the father/husband walked through also can't be fully known. Don't forget that when he was at his best, he was joyfully loved and the people you love fully enjoyed him. Yes, mourn, grieve and let your compassion be known. Forgive, as best you can. But don't forget his legacy isn't just his last actions. Celebrate the best of his story, too. And let God redeem the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Words fail me. I can’t imagine the pain that family must be in. It makes my heart ache.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Forgive? I don't THINK so. This is beyond forgiveness. Oh, Terry, I may be geographically close to this horror and can't even imagine how knowing this poor mother and grandparents must affect you. I don't know how anyone survives this horrendous loss. There is no comfort in this situation.

    ReplyDelete
  12. How it is possible was actually what my Masters degree thesis is about. Long explanation cut short - there are many theories which all intersect and which boil down to a complex interlinking of cultural norms supporting violence and others not preventing them, family history(the vast majority of domestic violence perpetrators witnessed violence themselves in childhood) and personality factors. In cases such as this a depressive mental health issue can also play a part - a (incorrect but firmly held) beleif that this is the only way out of the loss felt from family break up. It is a very complex topic indeed. But I can confirm that having a criminologists view of it does not remove in any way the emotional horror.

    ReplyDelete